Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
