So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
