Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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