well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
