i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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