He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
