I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
