If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
