I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
