I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
