ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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