I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize