I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
