My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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