1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
