Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
