I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
