Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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