also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
