I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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