I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
