Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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