I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
