finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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