you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
