Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize