I haven't been this sober since birth.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
