He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
