he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
