Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
