I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
