It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize