Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
