I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Found your dick twin last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
