Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
