The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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