Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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