if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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