We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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