I cockslap morals
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Even my vagina gasped.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
