I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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