Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
