I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
