Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
