He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
