What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
