I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
