oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
