does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
