im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
