Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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