There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize