"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
