Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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