Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
