Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
