DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
