the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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