i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
