I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
