Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
