remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
