He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
