Can i not drive my cunt home
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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