i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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