tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
