Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Non-Jews are for practice
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
