had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
