I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
