The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
