Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
