Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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