it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
