dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
