I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
