Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
