I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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