At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
