so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
